If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris hasmore money than you.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is alwaysin control.
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he callseverything around you.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes theelement of surprise.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets theinformation he wants.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris hasallowed to live.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with ChuckNorris.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarkednames for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushingthe Earth down.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself inthe back of the head.
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a Delta Forcemarathon on Satellite TV.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is aChucktatorship.
(you're welcome Nik)