Saturday, July 25, 2009

I think I'm Jewish

A man walked into the ladies department of Macy and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, 'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.'

'What type of bra?' asked the clerk.

'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?'

'Look around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.

'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from.' Relieved, the man asked about the 4 types...

The saleslady replied: 'There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Jewish types.. Which one would you prefer?'

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them. The Saleslady responded, 'It is really quite simple. .....

The Catholic type supports the masses;
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright;
The Jewish type makes mountains out of molehills.'

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?

If you have, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!
(A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there...
{C} Can't Complain!...
{D} Dang!...
{DD} Double dang!...
{E} Enormous!...
{F} Fake...
{G} Get a Reduction...
{H} Help me, I've fallen and can't get up!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Dear Tinkerbell Lady

The extent of our relationship involves you handing me the withdrawal slip and me handing you the cash. Occasionally I have to listen to you scream at your kids to sit down and eat their suckers, but normally it is pretty routine. It is none of your business if I am feeling good today. And if I am not feeling good, I would appreciate you keeping your sympathy to yourself. I DON'T KNOW YOU!! Stop talking to me like we have been friends for years and it rocked your world to find out I was sick. Tell me you are sorry and move on. Everyone else has.

Personal Mission

There is a term used around my family to describe the meat my Dad buys on sale at Albertsons: Used Meat. If anyone is not familiar with the Used Meat section of your local grocer it is where they put the meat that is very close to the "sell by" date, and must either be used that day, or frozen. My dad stocks up on this cause he had a big freezer in the garage. I usually only get one or two things due to my miniature storage space. But this is not my point.

Because the Used Meat section is where the almost expired meat goes, its stands to reason that the Used Plant section is where they would put the plants past their prime. All grocery stores with a floral department have this section. It is usually a shopping cart full of cut flowers with brown petals and potted plants with only a few leaves left. A last ditch effort to get some money for something that is not pretty anymore.


Do I look like I care if it is pretty?

I have made it a personal goal to rescue as many plants from the Used Plant section as possible. Why, just last night on my stop at Albertsons to get dinner I stumbled on some Freesia plants that not only still had quite a few beautiful yellow-orange flowers, but were marked down from $9.99 to $2.99. SCORE!!!

I have not figured out where I am going to put my new acquisition, but I don't think that is really the point. I have rescued yet another plant wasting away in the shopping cart of doom.

Nik is just lucky I don't frequent the animal shelters.

Monday, July 13, 2009

How to Annoy Me (idea taken from Dooce)

Send me your whole wallet through the drive through when all I need is you drivers license.

Thursday, July 09, 2009

I got an email from the Relay For Life about another fund raiser they are doing, that Nik and I are participating in. I thought I would open it up to those in the blogosphere:

We have a fun opportunity from the Salt Lake office of the American Cancer Society, and I wanted all of you to have first dibs on it. Next Tuesday night, the American Cancer Society will be hosting a pre-screening of Harry Potter at 9:00 PM at the Gateway Megaplex in Salt Lake. You can be the first to see the new Harry Potter movie! For$25 you will get a treat bag, door prize, a chance to win a Wii entertainment system and the best part is a huge portion of your ticket sales goes right back to your Relay!!! That's right - this is a fundraiser! If you are interested give Erin Barker a call at 801.493.4709. Tickets are going fast!

We already have our tickets but more can be purchased anytime (cause they are GA we can sit together too!) so if you are interested, let me know! Or just call Erin....