Friday, November 21, 2008

Some Mormon Jokes

Two Mormon missionaries in dark suits on bikes recently were left motionless and speechless when two scantily clad female joggers passed them at Sego Lilly Lane and 1300 East in Sandy. In fact, they didn't notice a Sandy City police car behind them, until the officer advised over his loudspeaker, "Think of a hymn, elders."


A young Mormon was on his mission, carrying the Book of Mormon in his coat pocket when he was shot by an armed robber. Fortunately, the bullet lodged in the book and saved him. "See," the missionary said to his companion, "that bullet couldn't get through Second Nephi either.


A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Little Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."


A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."


A man: God, how much is a million dollars to you?
God: It is but a penny.
A man: God, how long is a million years to you?
God: It is but a second.
A man: God, could you please give me a penny?
God: Sure, just a second.


One Sunday evening my four year old daughter, Ginger, was explaining the contents of each of a series of pictures she had received in her primary class that day. She came to a picture of Jesus surrounded by little children. One of the children sat on Jesus' knee. In a solemn and reverent tone, my daughter told us that this was a picture of Jesus asking the little children what they wanted for Christmas.


Lena said...

PS-sorry about all the stupid posts, I am trying to remember the pictures from Nik's birthday, then there will be a real post.

Steve and Annie said...

I've currently got three sticker charts taped to the side of my fridge. The first one is for compliments. Every time I compliment Steve I get a sticker. Once I've got 30 stickers I get my reward (in this case, a birthday dinner at Snowed Inn Lodge). The second chart is for taking my vitamin. If I take it everyday for thirty days I get a cute new sweater. The third is for making the bed, if I make the bed 30 days in a row then Steve and I get to go see Adele in January.
I realize the rewards are big, but I figure go big or go home.

Lisa Louise said...

these make me giggle :)

Kathy said...

Very cute. I especially like the last one.