Stupid English

Can you read these correctly ... the first time?


1) The bandage was wound around the wound.


2) The farm was used to produce produce.


3) The landfill was so full, they had to refuse more refuse.


4) Please polish the Polish furniture.


5) He could be in the lead if he would get the lead out.


6) The soldier chose to desert his dessert in the desert.


7) Since there is no time like the present, it is time to present the present.


8) A bass was paint ed on the head of the bass drum.


9) When shot , the dove dove into the bushes.


10) I did not object to the object.


11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.


12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.


13) They were too close to the door to close it.


14) The buck does strange antics when does are around.


15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.


16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.


17) The wind was too strong for us to wind the sail.


18) I shed a tear upon seeing the tear in the painting.


19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.


20) I need to intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, no ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.English muffins were not invented in England nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies,while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet,are meat. We take English for granted.But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly,boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.


And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2indices? Is it not crazy that you can make amends, but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?


If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think the first teachers of the language' should have been committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. How is it that people recite a play and play at a recital;ship by truck and send cargo by ship; have noses that run and feet that smell??


How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down; you fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm goes of f by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.This is why...when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.


PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"