Friday, April 03, 2009

Might as well do this now.

I was going to wait till I knew more, but it's on my mind, so here it goes.


I went to the doctor yesterday because of a couple of bumps on my neck just above my collar bone. She was immediately 'concerned' and sent me from Granger Medical (4100S and Bangeter) to Alta View Hospital (1300E 9400 S) for a CT scan. I got checked in pretty quick, and my Dad and Nik were great and met me up there for moral support. I had to drink like 5 gallons of gross raspberry Crystal Light in an hour and a half before the scan. So I spent that time listening to both men telling me I needed to drink it faster. They are both lucky to still have eyes, cause I was about to gouge them out from frustration. "YOU DRINK IT!!!"

The scan was not so bad. My anxiety kicked in full gear when they gave me the injection and said "This will make you feel warm inside and give you the sensation of peeing...but you aren't." I started to feel nervous, crazy, and antsy. Like "if I don't get out of this place now I am going to die." But as soon as the warm faded, so did the anxiety. ps-it really does feel like you are peeing. But on the outside. It's weird. Oh, and the gross stuff give you diarrhea.

Before I was even home I had a phone call from another doctor for today at lunch for a biopsy. Before taking off for my parents for dinner we stopped at our friend James' house for help with a blessing. It was a good one. And I know I will be ok.

Today I had an appointment with Dr. Irvine at Granger Medical at 1:45 and I was doing it on my lunch brake so I was hoping that it would just take the scheduled 30 minutes, but you know how that never happens. I was there until 3:00. Talking to two different doctors and having them mash all over my to make sure nothing else was out of order. And after almost two hours of mashing and talking, the diagnosis was hard to hear. Lymphoma.

I have another appointment for Tuesday to have one of the nodes in my neck removed, or partially removed for testing. They want to know if it is Hodgkins or Non-Hodgkins. It will determine how it is treated. Although, there is really only one treatment. Chemotherapy.

I went back to work afterwards, and I am glad I did. It helped me get my act together and focus on something else. When I got home Nik, with the help of the aforementioned James, had cleaned the house. Cleaned it good. Dishes and everything. I was amazed. He is so great. I have been thinking about how trashed the house has been lately, and it was really great to not have to worry about it for at least one night. Thanks Nik. And James.

James also gave us two tickets to the Jazz game tonight. It was really great. I was really tired, but the seats were great and it was a fun game. We lost to the Timber wolves by one point, so that was disappointing to say the least, fun though.

So there you go. That's what is up. Some of you may already know, but I know most of you won't. I don't want this to turn into a "cancer is Lena's life" blog, so I may start another for updates on my condition, and try to keep this one a little lighter. I have been given a lot of great support so far, and I know lots of prayers sent my way, and I really appreciate it. It's good to know others are looking after me. That being said, I still only have so many text messages, so if you want to talk to me about this, or just send your well wishes, please stick to email or a phone call.

A few thoughts about what has happened so far:
*It would not be so bad if the lumps didn't hurt most of the time.
*I keep going back to the thought that Nik and I have not had kids yet.
*If the worst happens, I worry more about leaving Nik that I do about me.
*It feels like some one died, and I was sad about it before, but now I am getting over it. Like I know something is bad, but I am not really thinking about it anymore.


PS-I hope your surgery went well Kieran!

19 comments:

Hilary said...

Hey Lena, I'm so sorry you guys are having to deal with this all right now . . . I know it's not going to be the easiest road, but I'm so glad we live in a time and a place where medical treatment is so amazing, and that these kinda things are so treatable, and you will be so well taken care of!
You're in our prayers. I know that with further tests you will have more answers and a clearer idea of what comes next, and that'll help . . . let us know if you need anything! Love you!

Audrey said...

Lena, this is really hard news to get, but you are such a strong person, and I know you'll be able to get through this.

If I can do anything for you, please let me know - it's not an empty offer. I'm home all day long, if you need someone around to clean up puke! I have kids, so I'm getting good at it.

We love you, and can't wait to hear more news.

Allie said...

Len I just wanted to let you know if you need anything you can let me know. I wish you the best.

Stephanie said...

Lena and Nik

Dan and I are praying for you. If you need anything, let us know.

Jessica said...

Lena,
If there is anyone that can fight this...you can! You are so strong and have such a great attitude. You are in our thoughts and prayers.
We are here for you guys if you ever need us.

Lisa Louise said...

Lena you are in my thoughts and prayers girl! I have a number of a person who went through this a few years ago if you would like to talk to her just let me know! Love you!

LISA said...

Mom called me last night and sort of summed it up in a few words- that you have Lymphoma. I was shocked and horrified. I immediately got very depressed, and thought how UNfair life has been for you and your whole family lately- WHY? has been a huge question on my mind today. I am glad you posted this because I didn't know where you were "at" emotionally with this and didn't want to overwhelm you. Ugh. I wish the upmost best for you and pray (literally) that this all goes well and that this means you've caught it early. I have been having issues with my breasts lately (sorry tmi) - tenderness, burning, and altho I can't feel any lumps, I'm always scared that I'm not doing it right or something. Did you even KNOW you had a lump in your breast or did they find it after the nodes in your neck? I am so glad you went in to get it checked. We are all fasting for you tomorrow, and you are in our prayers. We love you lots and pray that everything goes smoothly.

Love ya,
Lisa

kieran said...

I think I am as shocked as everyone else, probably even yourself. Thank you for the advice, and the well wishes for my surgery. You really are a great person. Please know that I have been thinking of you and that you are in my prayers. Love ya Lena!

Steve and Annie said...

Anything you need, at all, I'm here. Keep me posted and let me know what's going on!

Kathy said...

We love you so much! It was hard to hear the diagnosis and I'm praying that all will be well.

Nik "the BoyWonder" said...

For Always!

Watson World said...

Lena,
im sorry to hear about your diagnosis. We will of course keep you in our prayers.
If anyone can fight this, you can. And you'll do it with humor : )

Wendell said...

hey lena. i'm glad you are putting this info on your blog. mom called me to let me know about the fast. I fasted for you today and will keep you in my prayers! keep us posted. so sorry you have to go through this. my heart goes out to you.

Wendell said...

oh, and that was from me, Heather, not wendell. i guess I better log out of his account!

Rachel Morgan said...

Brandan has a really good friend who has had non-hodgkins lymphoma. She went through a long hard battle with chemotherapy. She lost her hair and it came back curly. She has been in remission for 10 years and just had a baby. There is hope and a really good chance this is just a bump in the road that with time will flatten its self out and you'll get over it and there will be nothing left of it. You are in our prayers and of course you will fight a good fight. Good Luck, Lena, God is with you!

Vee said...

blerg. that really bites. :__(
I will be sending you feel good vibes.

TStevens said...

FWIW my sister had non-hodgkins lymphoma when she was 20 and in college. It was a 9 inch tumour in her chest. She is now 46 and has two kids.
I am thinking about you guys and hope all goes well.

Lena said...

Lena also has a new blog dedicated to the Cancer

http://moreandmoreeveryday.blogspot.com/

Laurie said...

Lena I hope you KNOW how much I absolutely love you. I am so glad you are now one of my sisters. You are in our prayers. And anything you need I will run.
Love ya