Might as well do this now.

I was going to wait till I knew more, but it's on my mind, so here it goes.

I went to the doctor yesterday because of a couple of bumps on my neck just above my collar bone. She was immediately 'concerned' and sent me from Granger Medical (4100S and Bangeter) to Alta View Hospital (1300E 9400 S) for a CT scan. I got checked in pretty quick, and my Dad and Nik were great and met me up there for moral support. I had to drink like 5 gallons of gross raspberry Crystal Light in an hour and a half before the scan. So I spent that time listening to both men telling me I needed to drink it faster. They are both lucky to still have eyes, cause I was about to gouge them out from frustration. "YOU DRINK IT!!!"

The scan was not so bad. My anxiety kicked in full gear when they gave me the injection and said "This will make you feel warm inside and give you the sensation of peeing...but you aren't." I started to feel nervous, crazy, and antsy. Like "if I don't get out of this place now I am going to die." But as soon as the warm faded, so did the anxiety. ps-it really does feel like you are peeing. But on the outside. It's weird. Oh, and the gross stuff give you diarrhea.

Before I was even home I had a phone call from another doctor for today at lunch for a biopsy. Before taking off for my parents for dinner we stopped at our friend James' house for help with a blessing. It was a good one. And I know I will be ok.

Today I had an appointment with Dr. Irvine at Granger Medical at 1:45 and I was doing it on my lunch brake so I was hoping that it would just take the scheduled 30 minutes, but you know how that never happens. I was there until 3:00. Talking to two different doctors and having them mash all over my to make sure nothing else was out of order. And after almost two hours of mashing and talking, the diagnosis was hard to hear. Lymphoma.

I have another appointment for Tuesday to have one of the nodes in my neck removed, or partially removed for testing. They want to know if it is Hodgkins or Non-Hodgkins. It will determine how it is treated. Although, there is really only one treatment. Chemotherapy.

I went back to work afterwards, and I am glad I did. It helped me get my act together and focus on something else. When I got home Nik, with the help of the aforementioned James, had cleaned the house. Cleaned it good. Dishes and everything. I was amazed. He is so great. I have been thinking about how trashed the house has been lately, and it was really great to not have to worry about it for at least one night. Thanks Nik. And James.

James also gave us two tickets to the Jazz game tonight. It was really great. I was really tired, but the seats were great and it was a fun game. We lost to the Timber wolves by one point, so that was disappointing to say the least, fun though.

So there you go. That's what is up. Some of you may already know, but I know most of you won't. I don't want this to turn into a "cancer is Lena's life" blog, so I may start another for updates on my condition, and try to keep this one a little lighter. I have been given a lot of great support so far, and I know lots of prayers sent my way, and I really appreciate it. It's good to know others are looking after me. That being said, I still only have so many text messages, so if you want to talk to me about this, or just send your well wishes, please stick to email or a phone call.

A few thoughts about what has happened so far:

*It would not be so bad if the lumps didn't hurt most of the time.

*I keep going back to the thought that Nik and I have not had kids yet.

*If the worst happens, I worry more about leaving Nik that I do about me.

*It feels like some one died, and I was sad about it before, but now I am getting over it. Like I know something is bad, but I am not really thinking about it anymore.

PS-I hope your surgery went well Kieran!