Thursday, December 03, 2009

An only slightly sarcastic guide to banking.

When dealing with a Teller face-to-face:

1. Please give your account number. I know that not all institutions use deposit slips, but we all need to know where we are going.

2. If you are asked how you want your cash back and you say "I don't care." You had better be serious. None of this, "Oh wait, can I have two ten's?" crap.

3. Don't assume we screwed up. If we ask you a question that doesn't seem to make sense try asking us to explain. Either we misunderstood or we have some other steps we have to do to get there. Bare with us.

4. **Very Important** Don't get mad. It only makes us hate you. If we messed up, we feel bad enough, and know we need to fix it quickly. Having you yell at us or continuously point out the mistake only makes us hate you more. And we WILL call you names when you leave. Just so you know.

5. Please count your cash before leaving the building. If there was a mistake, it is your word against mine whose fault it was. If you count it before leaving, it can all be rectified within seconds.

When with a Teller through the Drive-Up:

1. Please, PLEASE give us all the information you can. If you can, fill out a slip. If not, write the account number on something. It is always hard to hear you through the tube mic's, and I hate yelling at you. Also, I will never turn down an ID. At the very least, I know your name.

2. Always remember that the drive-up is first and foremost a fast way to complete transactions. If you need a photocopy of your check, a print-out of anything, cashiers checks, money orders, or any extensive research on your account, please come inside. The people behind you will thank you. **Exception** Mothers with multiple/sleeping kids in the car. I know that hauling everyone in the bank is not always an option. But try to still be courteous.

3. If I ask you to repeat yourself because I can't hear you, saying it again exactly how you just said it is not going to get us anywhere. Be louder, or write it down.

4. It is not worth changing lanes. If you are in one lane and the other finishes faster, 9 out of 10 times it is not faster to move. Chances are there is really only one teller working both lanes, so you still have to wait.

When waiting in the lobby:

1. If accompanied by children, please try and keep them under control. If you bring them with you to get a loan, know that there will be some waiting time, and some time in the office where they will probably get bored Please be prepared for this. It does no one any favors to have wrangle your kids for half an hour. Oh, and don't let them mess with stuff like the blinds, the bulletin board, or the line dividers. That makes us hate you too.

2. Understand that if there is only one loan officer you may have to wait a long time. Know that we are not doing this on purpose and that we will get to you as soon as possible.

3. **General Rule** DON'T TALK ON YOUR CELL PHONE!!! It is so frustrating to try to do business with someone who is not paying attention to me. Our time together will be minimal, there is no reason not to tell your friend that you will call them back. That is all.

Can you tell that I have had a hard day at work?


The Felts said...

I.LOVE.YOU. HAHA!! Man.. I would have killed to work at a bank with you! Fabulous mental picture!

Anonymous said...

they should post this list in every branch of every bank/credit union in the world. EVERY SINGLE ONE.

Lisa said...

I love your lists! I also agree this should be posted somewhere you can read it while in line. At the very least, they'll get a kick out of it, and they'll remember it when it's their turn. :)

I recently went into a bank lobby and was surprised to see a small corner reserved JUST for kids! A small TV was playing a low-volume movie, and there were crayons and pictures for them to color. I think if banks would help accomodate the mothers who have no choice but to bring their kids in, it will make everyone happy. :)